“Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity…” — Gilda Radner
Gilda Radner was an amazing human being. Not only was she hilarious, but she showed tremendous courage and strength in circumstances that would level most people. She seemed to just take things as they hit her and find joy and humor where others wallowed in sorrow and pity.
I strive to find that magic in everything, no matter how crazy fucking painful or obscure it might be. However, in spite of her quote being one of my most favorite, and one I take to heart, I constantly question the things dished my way via the omnipotent universe, wondering why. A friend (well, let’s just say someone who calls themself my friend but who very well might need a swift kick in the dictionary — but that’s a story for another day) accuses me of always trying to label things as good or bad, suggesting that there is something wrong with my quest for the why of things.
Just because we search for some rationality in the unpredictable chaos of daily existence does not mean we are necessarily left of center. When we analyze situations and use words like good or bad, isn’t it just the recognition of the yin and the yang of things, that there are elements of both in all things. Good is not always positive and bad is not always negative. Even something as devastating as cancer can leave behind a positive residue when viewed from a certain perspective.
Gilda Radner’s devastating ovarian cancer raised awareness of the disease so that millions of women have since benefitted from early diagnosis and survival. For many of us left without friends and family members due to the ravages of cancer, or those suffering alongside loved ones still fighting their battle, among the pain and the sadness there is also room for increased compassion and a realignment of life’s priorities. It hurts like hell, I know, but there is good among the bad, and sometimes answers among the questions.
Life is unpredictable, sometimes so much so that the urge to jump off has an overwhelming appeal. But then, you’d miss the next thing thrown at you which might just be amazing. There is only one ride on this roller coaster of delicious ambiguity. Questioning, analyzing, trying to sort out and prioritize all that is lobbed our way along the twists and turns is just part of our search for ways to keep on track without losing our minds. Being able to make the best of anything, to be brave and accepting that you just never know what’s going to begin, end, or reappear, is absolutely brilliant.
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.
I’ve seen that quote a number of times, meant to offer comfort at times when things just aren’t going your way, a means of encouragement to endure, to persevere. Good advice — suck it up, could be worse, blah, blah, blah… BUT, it occurs to me, in my new rebel mindset, that there is at least one more role to be played that cuts the shit out altogether, and I like it MUCH better — I am going to be the sculptor.
Yep, I am SO done being the one who gets crapped on, I have never really had a desire to do it to anyone else — it feels so much better to build people up, to cultivate good relationships, meaningful conversation, hope, love, and wisdom. And so I aspire to be the sculptor who crafts the piece (otherwise known as my sense of self) which both inspires brilliance and impedes shit from sucking the joy out of life. And I am pretty sure it’s possible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can hear you out there, you naysaying pigeons — it’s just not that easy or everyone would do it. Well, guess what, in my tour of reinvention I developed a bulletproof pigeon shield that deflects the bullshit. It’s made from equal parts of laughter, joy, and acceptance. Mix up a batch and see what brilliant thing you can sculpt for yourself.